The problem of President Ruto

In english and Swahili for my friends to laugh. One died in Nairobi. He knocks on the door of heaven. Nobody opens. He knocks louder. God has heard it and calls Moses. - Moses, what's going on, who is knocking on the door? Moses looks. He has come back. - It's a man from Nairobi, he wants to go to heaven. - Let this poor guy in and give him something to do. The man from Nairobi goes to heaven. Moses gives him a trimur instrument so he can play on a cloud. The man from Nairobi gets cloud number 7 on which he can sit and play music and sing. - Hallelujah, the man sings very quietly. - Hallelujah, once again, he sings it very quietly and then he waits for an echo or an answer, but unfortunately he can't hear anything. - Hallelujah, this time louder. Again he hears, but no answer. He gets angry. - Hallelujah, he calls. "Hallelujah again!" Dawn, Hallelujah!' No answer. God hears the calling. - Moses, who is paying so much attention to this? Moses checks it. - It's the man from Nairobi, my master. - We must give him another job. That's good, actually I have an important task to do. The man is called to God. - Man from Nairobi, I have something important to do. This is a letter for the President, he is waiting for it. Go to him and deliver it. The man takes the letter and leaves heaven. He flies to Nairobi. On the way he passes some bars. He can smell the bear. He thinks: "Let me have a beer." And he enters a bar. He orders a beer. It is fresh and cold. He likes it very much. He thinks, "OK, I should deliver this letter, but I guess it can wait a few more minutes." And he orders a second beer. He looks around, everyone is happy, smiling, laughing, drinking beer, enjoying life. He orders another beer. He starts singing. Other people sing with him. He orders one beer after another. Life can be so beautiful! And he drinks one beer after another... And he forgot the letter, the advice of God to the President. And so the President is still waiting for the advice of Heaven. ------------------------------- Mmoja alifariki jijini Nairobi. Anabisha mlango wa mbinguni. Hakuna anayefungua. Anabisha kwa sauti zaidi. Mungu amesikia na anamwita Musa. - Musa, nini kinaendelea, ni nani anayegonga mlango? Musa anatazama. Amerudi. - Ni mtu kutoka Nairobi, anataka kwenda mbinguni. - Hebu mtu huyu maskini aingie na umpe kitu cha kufanya. Mtu kutoka Nairobi anaenda mbinguni. Musa anampa ala ya trimur ili aweze kucheza juu ya wingu. Mwanamume kutoka Nairobi anapata wingu nambari 7 ambalo anaweza kukaa na kucheza muziki na kuimba. - Haleluya, mtu huyo anaimba kwa utulivu sana. - Haleluya, kwa mara nyingine tena, anaimba kwa utulivu sana na kisha anasubiri echo au jibu, lakini kwa bahati mbaya hawezi kusikia chochote. - Haleluya, wakati huu kwa sauti kubwa zaidi. Tena anasikia, lakini hakuna jibu. Anakasirika.  - Haleluya, anaita. "Haleluya tena!" Alfajiri, Haleluya!' Hakuna jibu. Mungu anasikia wito. - Musa, ni nani anayezingatia sana hili? Musa anakagua. - Ni mtu kutoka Nairobi, bwana wangu. - Lazima tumpe kazi nyingine. Hiyo ni nzuri, kwa kweli nina kazi muhimu ya kufanya. Mwanadamu ameitwa kwa Mungu. - Mwanaume kutoka Nairobi, nina jambo muhimu la kufanya. Hii ni barua ya Rais, anaisubiri. Nenda kwake ukamtoe. Mtu huyo anachukua barua na kuondoka mbinguni. Anaruka hadi Nairobi. Akiwa njiani anapita baadhi ya baa. Anaweza kunusa dubu. Anadhani: "Hebu ninywe bia." Na anaingia kwenye baa. Anaagiza bia. Ni safi na baridi. Anaipenda sana.  Anafikiri, "Sawa, napaswa kuwasilisha barua hii, lakini nadhani inaweza kusubiri dakika chache zaidi." Na anaagiza bia ya pili. Anatazama pande zote, kila mtu anafurahi, anatabasamu, anacheka, anakunywa bia, anafurahia maisha. Anaagiza bia nyingine. Anaanza kuimba. Watu wengine huimba naye. Anaagiza bia moja baada ya nyingine. Maisha yanaweza kuwa mazuri sana! Na anakunywa bia moja baada ya nyingine... Na alisahau barua, ushauri wa Mungu kwa Rais. Na hivyo Rais bado anasubiri ushauri wa Mbinguni.